He moved to the right side. Changed. The familiar sequence of motions performed in a room that had been his for three years, that still had his books on his nightstand and his phone charger on his side and the slightly different arrangement of light that meant: this is his half.
He got into bed.
She was still. He lay there in the quiet of the room and listened to the particular quality of her breathing - slow, steady, more controlled than genuine sleep - and thought about the three days since the hospital.
The accident had been the third. He did not think of this often. The first two had been easier to categorize - emergencies, crises, the specific quality of fear that came from a phone call that began there's been an accident. The third had come with an additional complication: when she opened her eyes, she had looked at him and not known him.
This was, medically, a version of something called selective retrograde amnesia - or that was the terminology the doctors had used, in the careful way doctors used terminology to manage the space between what they understood and what they were willing to say definitively. The trauma to the head had disrupted access to a specific segment of her memory. Her general functioning was intact. Her long-term childhood memories were intact. Her recognition of her father, her half-sister, the household staff, the accumulated geography of her life before a certain point - all of it intact. What was missing was, apparently, him.
He'd sat with this information for three days.
He had not, he thought, sat with it the way it appeared he ought to be sitting with it. He had not felt, primarily, the expected responses - the grief, the alarm, the urgency of a man whose wife no longer recognized his face. What he had felt, primarily, was something more like the cool attentiveness of a man cataloguing a situation. Taking inventory. Identifying variables.
She remembered everything. She had lost only him.
People lost things they couldn't hold. The things that went first were the things that hadn't had time to become structural - not the foundations, not the load-bearing walls, but the contents. What had she not been able to hold?
"You don't have to keep very still," she said, from her side of the bed. "I know you're not asleep either."
He looked at the ceiling.
"I had no intention of pretending," he said.
A pause. "This is strange," she said. "I want you to know that. From where I'm standing, this is genuinely very strange."
"I'd imagine so."
"I woke up in a hospital with a husband I don't remember. I'm now in a bed with a man who is technically my husband but who I have no memory of, which is - by any standard - a peculiar situation."
"I can see that."
"You're being very calm about it."
"One of us should be."
She was quiet for a moment. He could feel, without looking, the way she was lying on her side facing him - the slight change in the quality of the air, the microscopic shift in sound that happened when a person was oriented toward you rather than away. He had shared enough space with her to know these small signals.